Is the idea in our head of how something should be the birth place of our unhappiness? When we don't get what we imagined we then throw an internal (or sometimes external) tantrum like a 3 year old. We base our happiness on the ideals we want to happen, rather than just choosing to be happy and allowing whatever it is to unfold. Or is the reason behind us being so unhappy, due to us feeling we would do whatever it took to create that ideal image for someone else but they can't seem to do the same. In that case maybe to be happy we have to let them go.
Trying to find a flaw in someone who appears to be "perfect" can drive you insane. The act of analyzing and trying to piece together why they did this or that can changes your whole mood. This is dependent upon why you're doing this in the first place. If it's because you're jealous of them then go find a new hobby and love yourself rather than tearing them apart. But if it's for another reason such as not wanting to be hurt then aren't you just hurting yourself more? In trying to find this flaw, that you're so hung up on, you aren't truly there with the person and enjoying their company. Instead you're trying to find where they screw up in order to prove to yourself that they have a flaw and therefore you could be hurt by them a.k.a. you need to leave. But doesn't this just hurt you more? You could be missing out on an amazing human being due to you being so afraid of getting hurt. Let me just say, you're going to get hurt. It's going to happen. You just have to figure out if they are worth getting hurt over. As an ending thought, would you want the roles to be reversed and have someone analyzing your every move trying to find your flaws?
Sometimes it can be difficult to distinguish if your listening to your gut or freaking yourself out. Not wanting to be completely oblivious to something but at the same time not wanting to ruin it by creating problems that don't exist. The balance between over and under thinking can be challenging. Go too far either way and you could be cheating yourself or someone else.
When someones repeatedly hurt us why do we sometimes still talk about them as if they haven't caused us any pain? Are we in denial? When it's a family member it can become even more complicated. The want to have a good relationship with them. But then realizing the type of relationship you want with them, they are incapable of giving you. Still somehow amongst all the bad memories you continue to try to remember the good ones. You continue to hold onto whatever good they displayed in case, they all of a sudden become that person full time. That they could be capable of never hurting you again.
Take pride in how far you have come and have faith in how far you can go