A steady drum plays from beneath my ear. Slowly drowning out an illuminated screen, just white noise and the beat. Your intoxicating soft scent encompasses as you pull me in closely. Gentle fingers whisk through my cinnamon hair, briefly pausing at the end to slowing begin again. Strong muscles support my neck as I listen. Slowly drawing a line from one follicle to the next, my fingers dance across your chest. This is the moment I crave, lying alone at night, cold and awake. No words can describe the comfort of falling asleep, listening to your heart, the only one I need.
I can see you in him. The loving look he gives his wife, like the whole world could stop and he wouldn't bat an eye . Many watch and listen with longing hearts. Treated in such a way is no surprise. You did this from the start. Building a level that could not be reached. Safe from wandering eyes and smirking cheeks. No danger in sight, not even at night. No matter where we go or what we do. My home will always start with you.
A myriad of faces move about quickly, leaving slight imprints on my mind. Walking through the encroaching crowd, a face I can't help but stare at comes into view. Effortlessly perfect, she strolls by. Insecure thoughts begin to flood, leaving no survivors. It was then I felt it. A calm hand rest on the small of my back. Looking up, my eyes connect to yours, staring at nobody else besides me. I smirk, you smile back, kissing my forehead gingerly.
Normally I write about love, laughter and relationships, basically anything positive in life. But I decided to get a bit real for a minute and discuss when things aren't all rainbows and unicorns. I am talking about those times when you can't get out of your own way. You just seem to be stuck in a headspace where things are unhappy and negative. Sometimes it can get to the point where you become depressive in the sense that you don't care about anything. I have been there and done that many a times. But, the thing you always have to remember is, you are going to get up and life will go on. This has been something I have struggled with for a little bit now, I have the highest of highs for weeks on end and then can go down into the lowest of lows at the drop of a hat and you know what? That is okay. I know society tries to tell us it is not and prescribe oodles of medication to make us "normal" again, but through all of this you know what I have realized? That this is normal. Your emotions will fluctuate, you are human. You have good days, you have bad days and that is okay! Especially being on the cusp of an introvert and an extrovert with an empath mindset, I have to remind myself it is okay if I am not cheery and happy every second. It is a lot to handle sometimes, your own thoughts and emotions mixed with those of others. So in these times where I feel like I can't win, I try to shift my thinking. Rather than sulking into a sad doom I try to think of all that I have accomplished in my life. Focus on all that I have been through and thank every experience good or bad because it has shaped me to be me, and I am proud of who I am. Be gentle with myself because I am doing the best that I can. In addition, reminding myself whenever somebody really pisses me off to relax; like those fun times when a car pulls out right in front of you as you are coasting down the road and proceeds to go 10mph so you have to slam on your brakes. In those moments reminding myself that they are doing the best they can, just like I am to not drive around them and flip them off..... I mean, just like I am in life, and to therefore give them a break, pun intended. When feeling like a blob, simply saying “I am proud of who I am” can flip my mindset from bad to good. Or listing off things I love about myself and why I love them. Try to see everything as a blessing and it will become one. Trust me, I know this one is not the easiest because that sad little sucker in your head can stick to you like bubble gum on a fuzzy blanket. But try your best and tell yourself it is working. No matter what happens remember to be gentle with yourself. You are enough, you are worthy and you are doing the best you can, which is always more than enough. Empower your story, this is only temporary.
My wide brim smile greets your laugh, as seconds slow. Tracing every inch of your cocoa colored scruff carefully shaped. Laugh lines and smile scrunches followed by baby blues. Their crisp clear appearance melts seconds slower. Strong brows bordering their gaze. Slowly discovering each feature amongst an admiring gaze, as surrounding sounds blur. Carefully fixed freckles line across the bridge of your nose. Slender long lashes imitate wings. A glint of light causes me to catch your eyes as you whisper, "you are beautiful".
Take pride in how far you have come and have faith in how far you can go