A soft tone
As your hands fumble
Hearing every detail
Of the water
Clinking it back to the table.
I watch your hands
Twisting and turning
As eye contact remains null.
Afraid of judgement,
Afraid of us all
That's when I saw you.
A glimpse into a foreign window
A fresh new blanket of snow
A washing away of rain
A double sided rainbow
A heart becoming full
Light danced in the little girls eyes
As she blew out her last candle.
A soft smile spreads across his face, as his eyes glaze over each feature of mine. He looks at me and I feel relief. Like there is nothing I need to do. No hoops to jump through. No mind games to play. He consistently looks at me like this each and every day. The gratitude I hold to simply be his. My mind, once racing, slows, as he pulls me in. Wrapping strong arms around my frame. Gently kissing the top of my head. Again. And again.
When it comes to relationships do they really start out of nowhere? Just thin air and then poof you have a significant other? What about timing? Some, you can tell are meant to be, but maybe, just not right now. This agonizing reality that consumes you whole as you sit and wait for the timing to be right. For some sort of higher power to and say "okay I guess you two can be together now". In the meantime you lose you. You lose the reason that person was charmed by you in the first place. But, what if this timing thing is trying to tell us something? That there is more. There is more growth, happiness, success, love, and charming to be had and that being in this relationship would actually, dare I say it, hold you back. Many look at timing as being a bitch, but why not a blessing? It is simply not your time to go from "me" to "we" and that is okay! Travel and see different cultures, eat foods you have never tried before, forgive people who have hurt you, dance in your underwear, pamper yourself, have a night with friends or a weekend getaway, love, hug and smile your way through life. Cause when you begin to love your life everything aligns. In these times, listen to and cherish your body, become your own best friend and never say anything to yourself you wouldn't want written on your skin. Learn, grow, love and repeat. Timing isn't a bitch, the word you chose to describe it is.
When it comes to new relationships where is the line between dignity and detriment? Wanting to hold yourself to a higher standard or digging your own grave? The push and pull of gaining respect yet not injuring the delicate connection. When to let go and when to hold your ground. Where is this boundary line and how do we spot it? How do we know we have achieved success? When the other person is in love with us? Or when we are in love with ourselves?
Staring at a screen, hands trembling as her stomach ties itself into yet another knot. Mind flashing in and out of those moments. The ones she wishes never happened. The ones where she left her own little frame. Scared, limp and afraid. The ones where her body would sit and compulsively shutter as her eyes lay dormant on the floor. Numb. To the point she was afraid of her well-being. That's what it was like. That's what it was like, when she thought about her life without you.
Take pride in how far you have come and have faith in how far you can go