The title of this article is one of the many sayings you are told when single, it is also one of the many reasons I dislike being single. I understand what everyone is saying, but there are many out there that do just that; they focus on work and it gets them no closer to finding someone. What about the fairly new concept of creating an online profile? Aren't they actively looking? I know for a fact that a lot of work goes into those profiles and somehow people online are able to find someone. Why can't the same be true for someone without an online profile? Are you just cursed to never find anyone if you do look? That peaking ruins the surprise and so therefore you are just screwed for life? For those who believe in fate, won't it bring you the right person at the right time, even if your looking? It seems as though today, many go blindly into things, love being one of them, so what happened to taking control of your life? This is another one-liner that gets repeated over and over again, or does that only apply to certain criteria, not your whole being?
Do we all have to have an obsession with something in order to survive? It is different for everyone, but whenever you think about it, you feel a fire lite inside of you. When you loose the current thing you are obsessing about you feel empty and have the thought of "now what". In order to not feel this way you begin to obsess about a new thing, so you can feel that fire again. It is a never ending circle of obsessive and depressive feelings, but does it have to be this way? Are we able to not fixate on one thing and still lead a happy, healthy life? I am sure most are thinking well yes, of course, but most don't have a clue they are obsessing until they loose whatever the obsession is. You could obsess about healthy eating, your whole life turns into a "you better not eat that, or you throw your whole eat clean, green day off". Or you obsess about love, you are always trying to find the right person, the exhilarating period of the first couple of days talking with them is like a drug you have become addicted to. Whatever your obsession may be, it doesn't have to be the stereotypical "obsession topic". So this leads me back to my earlier question, are we able to not obsess and still be happy? Or are obsessions the only way we survive?
The feeling of always screwing up
nothing ever seems to be enough.
When you used to laugh and play
and dream about it one day
little did you know it feels like a joke.
I am sick of always working on myself.
I am supposed to feel worthy,
yet everything I am doing is sabotaging my reality.
I feel like no matter what
I do or say, at the end of the day
All is remaining is strong dismay
Will I ever find it?
That seems to be happening to everyone but me
I am tired of waiting
I have had enough
When will I find this thing called love?
I don't think you truly know what vulnerability really is until you experience it first hand. In society today a lot of people try to hide this. This frighteningly open feeling, that at any moment, it feels like you could be broken down. Its scary as hell and that's why most of us don't show it. We point out all the times we were "vulnerable" as a way to show we aren't closed off. But in reality all those times of "vulnerability" we were just showing the scar tissue from our wounds, not the actual cut itself. Not truly being vulnerable, just faking it. Our walls still up so even if someone shot an arrow it would crumble to pieces once it hit our barrier. This daunting task of unveiling your scars to someone, in hopes they don't throw salt at the freshly opened wound. With you "should" do this, but you "shouldn't" do that always staring at us, how are we supposed to truly express ourselves when our actions are strictly monitored. The act of true vulnerability is becoming hard to come by, now society, should we let it go extinct?
Now I will come right out and say it, I am a feminist. This meaning I believe men and women should be equal, not one have more power over the other. Now I know women have gone through the ringer as far as getting the power we deserve, but I like to put myself in someone else's shoes and this time it happens to be a mans shoe. I know men have had the upper hand for many years, as far as power is concerned, but have they in the love department? No, I am not talking about sex, I am talking about vulnerable,breath taking, scary as hell, love. A quote that really got me thinking about this is from the movie The Ugly Truth, "women have us believe they are the victim, that we break their hearts for sport". Mike from the movie was saying this, and if you've seen the movie, he doesn't seem like the most amazing guy to take advice from. But this is just what I am talking about! He acts like gross pig, or as Abby puts it " a man-whore", in the movie for a reason! He had his heart broken buy a multitude of women and decided it was better to just have shallow, non-committal relationships in order to not crush his heart further. Now you may be asking yourself where the hell I am going with this, just keep reading, you will see in a minute. I think Mike has a point, women are always looked at as the victims that are hurt by men, but men never seem to get any sympathy in that category. They never really get any sort of empathy for what they go through, instead they are seen as the heart stomping beasts that go after women. Men can be just as sensitive as we are when it comes to relationships, so why don't we give them a bit more compassion? No matter what the gender, a human is a human with a heart and no one wants theirs broken.
"It's always better to marry a man who loves you more than you love him", yes this is a line from Sex and the City. Yes I am obsessed with the show. And no I don't believe in this quote. This sort of saying has always bugged me, since when is love so single-sided? If it is, might as well be single. Ever heard "it takes two to tango"? Well doesn't that apply here? Since when did relationships or even marriages become anything but two tango-ing? A true relationship, and especially a marriage, should be nothing short of two people who love each other equally. How can you really measure who loves someone more? If it does come down to this, are you really in love at all?
When falling for someone so perfect, that it seems they were taken out of your most utopian of dreams, you can't help but think of when it will end. But why do we do this to ourselves? Why is it so bad for us to get something we want? Is it illegal? Why do we always look for the bad when all we see is good? We sabotage relationships in order to not get hurt. In order to be able to pull away from the car crash of a ended relationship, without a scrap. But what would happen if we just excepted that everything in our life was, well, perfect. Is that so hard to believe? When you are brought up in a world of "nothing comes easily" and "perfection can only be dreamed about", it is. So how about we actually just let ourselves be loved and not be afraid of the consequences? That's why they call it falling in love, its a risk, you might never stand up they way you used to. But that's ok! Growing and changing is all life is, just a circle of endless learning experiences. Just make sure whomever you fall for is worth the risk.
If you don't want to "x" to happen then don't believe it will. The mind has an incredible power that isn't always used to our advantage. I can't be the only one who wanted to stay home from school so badly that I actually MADE myself sick. The old saying of "mind over matter" can be used in this case. The fact that you were able to make yourself sick because you didn't want to do something or go somewhere is amazing! What if you could put some of that power to good use? Complementing yourself instead of spewing out insults, change your future at the drop of a dime, or flip your energy so you scream positivity. All of these are controlled by your brain, put it to use!
Take pride in how far you have come and have faith in how far you can go