When it comes to our own expectations, most of the time we are harder on ourselves than anyone would ever be. Beating our mind to a pulp over what? A missed workout? A slip up in the food we eat? Not accomplishing EVERYTHING on our to-do list? Stemming from the mindset of not being good enough, many struggle with this on the day to day. But why do we do this to ourselves? We need to let go of this perfect persona that has been stigmatized through social media. Each of us is enough in our own way. So, release the shackles you have put on yourself that you are failing at life. You are doing the best you can, and that within itself is more than enough.
When it comes to second chances, why do we always view them as coming from a place of weakness? When rather, you have to be insanely strong and secure with yourself to let that person back in. To hold hands that betrayed you, look into eyes that have wandered or kiss lips that have spoken sweet nothings into others ears. That takes strength. You are not stupid for loving after loss. This isn't your fault, you are the one in power. You are giving the second chance. "Chance" being the keyword here, if promises don't match up, you can easily leave. It is a chance you took on love and happiness. It is okay to be fearful, that usually means you are about to do something amazing and grow. As humans, our lives consist of taking chances and growing, so why feel guilty or pathetic for one or two that may have not worked out? Life is all about learning, figuring out who you are and embracing the beautiful day to day with people you love. Don't let the fear of judgement scare you away from something that could be good. People make mistakes, nobody is perfect. If you feel a second chance is what is right, then give it, if not, move on to the next lucky taker. You can be a strong, independent woman (or man) and give a second chance. Sometimes, something needs to be broken in order to come back together stronger than ever.
I still remember our third date, like it was yesterday. I was so scared. Petrified of the unknown. No monkey business. I must have traced your hands a thousand times trying to distract my mind.
'Your red and black flannel, the one with the right cuff button missing, lay on the floor; uncovering your green t-shirt, now pressed against my back. Strong and toned arms wrapped around me, exposing veins, another object for me to trace. Everything was still. Peacefully quiet. The only noise, coming from a distant train fast approaching tracks that run beside my room. Patiently, you watch me draw the outline of each hand. Gruff enough, but still gentle, manly enough, but not blanketed in dirt. Perfect. I am a little kid again, watching Tarzan inspect Jane’s hands. Except this time, I’m Tarzan, in the jungle, flipping your hands around, tracing each finger. I can feel you watching me, getting caught up in my amazement. Then you said it. "You are the boss".'
That was it. That is the reason. You allowed me to be in control, in a situation I felt very very out of control in. Here we are again, you saying those four words, this time is different though. Still watching me, but instead of magic dancing around your ocean eyes, there is fear. Like everything you were ever afraid of loosing sits in your passenger seat. Little did you know I felt the same. And so I was brought back to that day, when fear choked and shaky hands traced calmer ones. Because that was the day I truly saw you. The better man I know you to be.
When trust is broken and fears fill your mind, it is easy to become lost. Lost in the mind-numbing reality that now sits in front of you. But then you get back up. Brush yourself off and continue. Not out of stupidity or weakness but because you just know. This is not how it is going to end. Having never felt that way before, you know it doesn't just slip away that easily. That euphoric feeling of coming home. Safety surrounding you wherever you go. Being protected and loved in every little thing you do. That. That, is the reason second chances are given and hearts are healed. Not out of fragility, but out of strength. Strength that was formed in a quilt like manner, patched together, easily recognizable. After all, walking back into the home that betrayed you isn't easy. You are not failing for being vulnerable. You are strong for even trying. Re-hinging broken doors and cracked windows comes fairly easy, the outside appearance always does. What can take more time is rebuilding the foundation, filling in unstable grounds. Hard work and expensive labor can significantly help. But what is most important is to not see yourself as a failure for not knowing. Not viewing yourself as less-than for choosing to stay or blaming yourself for not being able to see the future. Instead, choosing to see the house for what it is and accept every inch, as if you chose it. A human blemish of this sorts is tough to rebuild. Luckily, the infrastructure wasn't completely demolished, just heavily warped.
Take pride in how far you have come and have faith in how far you can go