"Being in love only requires you to believe you are in love." Is this true? That the act of falling in love is just a creation in our mind? What about when someone falls for a person they don't want to? Is there subconscious mind making them love even when they know falling for that person will only turn out badly? Or is it the "forbidden" idea that makes it more alluring and easy to fall? Risk always seems to awaken something in us, the question is, is it a monster or blessing?
Many women, myself included, can be their own worst enemy. Critiquing everything from what they do, how they look and what they eat. This is not old news though, this has been happening for years! When did this bashing of the female body and mind become normal or even remotely acceptable? Females are such strong, beautiful, resilient, boss ass bitches....... I mean human beings, so why do we even question ourselves? I think it is extremely unfair the amount of criticism and pressure we get from the media compared to men. Women are "supposed to be" perfectly supple, with a gorgeous summer glow, hairless creatures and have an hourglass figure. For example, we are (or at least a lot of teenagers into the 20's) are expected to eat a bunch of junk food because that somehow symbolizes you're low key and aren't up tight. Yet, we are still "supposed" to have clear beautiful skin and the metabolism of a teenage boy athlete so we can keep a perfect body. How is this fair? Just because we don't want to, or can't feed ourselves junk food all day every day, we are somehow high maintenance. Meanwhile for males the "dadbod" is the new "it" thing. Excuse me but......WTF? Now for guys its actually a new trend to be a bit more on the chubbier side. Why can't women have a trend of being Grecian goddesses? If you look at these old goddess photos they show beautifully happy women that are adored by men with belly pouches and cellulite. Not something you would normally see today. In saying all of this I know I am focusing a lot on the female physic rather than the mind, but I did that for a reason. I feel the female body is most under attack 24/7 either by ourselves or by the media, where as the mind is generally second or third in line amongst other things to be undermined. In no way am I saying the female mind is not important because believe me I think it is one of the most powerful things on this earth. We can remember things from god knows when, change our moods with the flip of a switch, multitask like its nobody's business and talk ourselves in or out of something like you wouldn't believe. I once read a funny quote that stated "the female brain is like having 6,750 tabs open on your computer at once". We are amazing creatures and we need to start looking at ourselves that way!
I am sure many of you have probably heard of or seen Caitlyn Jenner accepting the Arthur Ashe Courage award at the ESPY's a couple days ago. Now I have been a supporter of Caitlyn since she came out to the public, I think she has done an amazing job at bringing more awareness to the transgender community. But I always had questions. When I watched her acceptance speech I realized that none of them mattered. There really was only one question for me to ask, is she a kind human with a good heart? Yes and yes, and the rest of all these surface level questions don't matter. So, the reason why I really wanted to write this post was because there are some people out there that still aren't "on board" with the "whole concept", or think she is just an attention seeker. For the people that are still against the whole concept, to be frank with you, get used to it. Why does it affect you who they are gender wise or interested in, you aren't them nor do you need to be in the relationship, so why do you care? Now for the people thinking she is just an attention seeker, it will only turn into that way if she is still preaching once the people above start to let go of the stereotypes of what a "normal person should look like". But, we are sadly far from that at this point. Although, we are making big steps towards changing some "normal" stereotypes as we saw with the U.S. legalizing gay marriage which I think is amazing. We need to get rid of all these "normalcy" issues with love and gender roles. Rather than looking at the people in a relationship as having to be a man and a woman, how about we look at them as two people who care immensely for one another. For the gender role issues that people have, look at who the person is as a human being not as what gender they are. We have to stop projecting someones sexual preference or gender role as a bad trait. In reality its not a trait, it's who they are. Would you like it if someone labeled you bad for just being you?
In relationships whether it be romantic or a friendship there are certain "rules" or limits that society tells us to follow. These are ingrained in us since day one, but where exactly were they created? Did someone one day just sit down and think up all these different guidelines that should be followed? Or were they created over time through the generations? Either way, these "rules" were made up by someone else, so why do we follow them? For example, when you are friends with someone for a while there is this expectation or "rule" that they can treat you shitty and you will stick around. Now I am not saying to run as soon as they have an off day. But if you never feel happy around your friend or dread hanging out with them just leave! It doesn't matter whether you have known them for 2 weeks or 20 years. This goes along with the whole blood is thicker than water saying (which I thoroughly dislike). Blood makes you related, treating someone with love and care will make you family. Just because someone believes in one thing doesn't mean the whole world has to. Believe what you want to believe and do what feels right to you, its your life your living not someone else's.
“Being single used to mean that nobody wanted you. Now it means you’re pretty sexy and you’re taking your time deciding how you want your life to be and who you want to spend it with" - Carrie Bradshaw.
Today it feels like when you're single that there is something wrong with you and you need to be fixed. Your friends or family, who are already in a relationship, become matchmakers and force you to go on blind dates because "he's a really nice guy". First off, I don't know about you, but loved one's set ups normally don't turn out too well. Secondly, and most important, IT'S OK TO BE SINGLE. There is nothing wrong with you, you just haven't found the person you want to date, and that's ok! That is why I love this quote! Rather than looking at being single as no one is choosing you, flip it around and look at it as you not choosing someone else. By taking the victim role out of being single you immediately change the feeling around it, from something to be ashamed of and switching it to something to be proud of, because now you're in control!
Always look at what you have left. Never look at what you have lost. -Robert Schuller
I will just come out and say it, I was a relationship-forcer. When thinking about my love life, I realized why there was such a lack. Whether I was conscious about it or not, I was constantly on the search for a relationship. So much so, that I would see a cute guy in the supermarket and almost expect that there would be some sort of future with him. Not necessarily a long love-filled relationship but that we would at least get to know each other. Now like I said I wasn't really doing this consciously, so when this fairytale-type situation wouldn't happen, like I expected it to, I would be left disappointed and with a feeling of not being "wanted". I would then take this feeling and label it as my "love life" aka non-existent and disappointing. Then a week or so later this whole displeasing situation would circle around again. Do you see where this can get toxic? I almost didn't want to tell this because I was ashamed at what I was doing, whether or not it was being done consciously. I can now acknowledge all of this and realize that it was mainly coming from a point of insecurity. That when walking into a room I was hoping people liked me rather than me deciding if I liked them. I was constantly looking for reassurance on who and what I should be. I think one of the reasons why I was so ashamed was because I am honestly not a needy or high maintenance person and this situation screams "look at me"! I know this is a bit of a different post, I normally like to pose questions to stir peoples thoughts. But today I decided to share this recent acknowledgment in case anyone else has felt this way and felt like they were all alone and not normal.
P.S. If you haven't realized by now you are completely normal and far from alone :)
Take pride in how far you have come and have faith in how far you can go