His love came with a price. As much as I tried to push him from my life and thoughts, he still somehow made an imprint. Teaching me an invisible lesson I had yet to uncover until today. Something I had believed for so long yet never knew. Love has an expiration. Or rather his love did.
"Shortly mom comes upstairs, the light still on and I am already drifting. Juliette please get into bed, my little sister, whose bed is parallel to mine, on the opposite side of the nightstand, has yet to climb into it. My mom begins to drop our shades, the pulley holding them up sounds like an unzipping jacket as it covers the moonlight. A faint buzz of the closet light still on, my eyes blinking slow, allowing light to pour in in waves, ebbing and flowing. My thumb has begun to raisin, shriveled to the size of a pencil. Rubbing the worn part of scruffy’s ear, I daze in and out. The scent on the top of his head smells of Prince Edward Island. The musty old school house filled with family and memories. Sea breeze tickling the blue siding and chamomile warmed in the summer sun. Sleepily moving scruffy’s body around, my comfort-smelling puzzle, nuzzling a different section below my nose as my thumb bobs in my mouth."
A rumble of the engine starting causes a tickling vibration to come over the plane. The brakes unhinge and we are lurched into reverse at snails pace. Men in reflective vests motion left and right as the sun awakens, slowly we begin forward on a track through the road maze. Until we finally make it to the exact location. My hand tightens around yours as I prepare for the moment we have all been waiting for. Takeoff. Minutes before you were buzzing with words. Telling me all about how the engine works, the blades sucking air back this way and the ignition of this part, while the spinning of that one. Your eyes as bright as the center of Times Square. Now you remain quiet. But not frightened. Rather you look at me with a soft smile. The lights go off and the speed of the plan increases, bounding closer and closer to the end of the runway. Light peaking through the portal window I see your eyes tracing my face, like I am the only person left on this plane. Everything goes quiet. An eery silence as the wheels lift up tucking gently into the belly. Silence blankets the aisles but your eyes never leave me. You trace up my face until our eyes meet, "I love you". Our ears begin to pop as you squeeze your hand until it fits perfectly flat to mine. I don't know if I had ever felt such love before that moment. In the silent fear of plummeting to our death, the last words that you would express would be your love for me.
Take pride in how far you have come and have faith in how far you can go